From: Dian JianWei

Date: Sunday, 18 Apr 2004

Subject: During Tianpei's last days, how he helped my wife and I,  etc.

Dear classmates,

On March 25, my wife flew to Rochester to help Xiaoxue (Tianpei's wife), since Xiaoxue had been taking care of Tianpei and was physically exhausted, but her mother wouldn't arrive by April 5. As you all have known that Tianpei passed away on March 27. My wife witnessed the last three days of Tianpei's earthly life.

After my wife came back from Rochester, she told me how Tianpei had helped her and us during Tianpei's last days on the earth. This is the first thing that I want to share with all of you.

Second, I want to share with you about the diagnosis of Tianpei's liver cancer. That will reveal some doctor's fault, and also alert us to better take care of ourselves and our loved ones.

Third, I want to share with you how Tianpei had fought with the liver cancer.

Finally, I want to share with you why Tianpei could leave the earth peacefully.

How Tianpei had helped my wife and I during his last days on the earth

After my wife came back from Rochester, she told me that it looked like she went to Rochester to help Xiaoxue and Tianpei, but she believed, actually it was Tianpei who wanted to help her and us. Through the days at Rochester, she learned something that she couldn't have learned in other situations. My wife said that the situation there strongly forced her to think/rethink a lot about life, death, love, family and happiness.

My wife said that she learned that wife and husband should fully love each other, and their parents and children when they still have chance. A person should love all the people around her or him. Doing that is really not doing favor for other people, but doing favor for herself or himself. My wife told me that she learned that a person can only live happily if she or he doesn't focus on herself or himself. In the early years when my wife and I came to the U.S. in 1996, we quarreled a lot, sometimes on a daily basis, and that hurt each other. Looking back, of course, there were a lot of unavoidable objective factors, like the huge unconscious psychological pressure that the enormous environment change posed on us, the huge pressure that uncertainty of future posed on us, like job, green card, etc., and some other factors. However, an important factor was that we didn't understand what is true love and how to love other people. We mostly focused on ourselves, like I'm right and you are wrong, and the alike, which hurt all.

As the time goes on, my wife and I are getting along better and better, even though we still quarreled and was not in total harmony. (Maybe we never could be.) This time, the trip to Rochester let my wife learn a lot. I could feel her change. I asked myself why I didn't do better to love my wife, my child and other people when I could. We asked ourselves why not use the energy of quarrelling/fighting with each other to love each other, and to do something meaningful.

The reason why I want to share with you this is that I think Tianpei's pass away might also make some, if not all of you think/rethink something about life. Being in the US is already not easy (at least in my case). Hope we can love and can take care of our loved ones whole heartedly, without focusing too much on ourselves, no matter it's our jobs, careers or something else. Hope we can do our best to give our loved ones a happy life when we still can.

The diagnosis of Tianpei's liver cancer

 In December of 2002, Tianpei, Xiaoxue and their two children made a trip to Houston. They drove to Dallas to stay with us for two days. We shared with each other about our old classmates and other common friends. We also talked about relationship between wife and husband. We really had a happy time. My wife said that she really enjoyed their visit, and she hoped she had known Tianpei and Xiaoxue long time ago.

During that stay, Tianpei said that he felt pain at liver before he came to Texas, but for quite a while, his doctor only gave him some pain relievers to quell the pain. He said he didn't feel the pain during his stay in Texas. However, he also said, he would do some examinations to check about where/why/how the pain came from after they went back home. He said that the examinations were delayed due to their Christmas' trip to Texas.

After they went back home, after the Ultrasound examination, liver cancer became very obvious, since the tumor was already in the late stage and it's big. It's so big that it's out of question to do surgery to replace the liver. What doctors decided to do was a local chemo treatment to see if they could reduce the size of the tumor. There would only be possibility to do the surgery if they could reduce the tumor to a certain size. Later, in Tianpei's last days, Xiaoxue said that the doctors' expectation for Tianpei was about 6 months at the beginning, even though they didn't ask that question at that time. It turned out that Tianpei bravely fought with the cancer for more than twice of doctors' expectation.

Xiaoxue told me that even very simple blood test could have detected the cancer much earlier. She said that, even in routine annual physical examination, the cancer could have already been detected if the doctor checked one more parameter in the blood. It might be still too late to detect the cancer before Tianpei made the Texas trip, but even one day or one week earlier diagnosis would have been very helpful, since the tumor expended very quickly at the late stage (exponential growth.)

I recalled that Tianpei was infected with Hepatitis-B in 1990, when I was in my master program at the Sichuan University. Later, the Hepatitis-B was cured. I don't know whether Tianpei's liver cancer has anything to do with that incident. However, I think the cancer showed up at this age is not totally random. I think there are many reasons for the timing, like our physical and psychological situations in the U.S., and our physical situation at this age.

The reason why I want to share this with you is that I think, at this age, we should be more alert to physical abnormalities. We should not fully depend on doctors. We need to better take care of ourselves and our loved ones. We need to ask for thorough examinations if we see any abnormalities that have no explanations. Anyway, simply using relievers to quell the pain as a treatment without knowing the reason of the pain is really a bad idea.

Again, hope we can all better take care of ourselves and our loves ones.

How Tianpei had fought with the liver cancer

 Immediately after the liver cancer was diagnosed, Tianpei began his fight with the disease. He fought with courage and hope. He fought with responsibility and caring for his loved ones. I talked with Tianpei over telephone a lot of times. Tianpei was full of optimism. He tried his best to win and recover.

Even though he had the cancer and was physically much weaker than before, Tianpei still did his best to take care of his family, especially his two children Andrew and Joseph.

Even during their extremely difficult fight with the liver cancer, Tianpei and Xiaoxue still had concern and sympathy for other people. My wife's father was also diagnosed liver cancer last October. Fortunately, it was in early stage and he had a surgery immediately. After learned that, Tianpei and Xiaoxue actively shareed with us what they had learned about liver cancer, and recommended relevant materials. This showed one of Tianpei's personal merits.

After it was clear that Tianpei's chemical treatment didn't work, Tianpei and Xiaoxue tried their best to find other ways. Finally, they were recommended to a nutritionist. They did the nutritious treatment until Tianpei's last days on the earth.

When I talked with my wife about Tianpei before his last days, I said I believed that it was Tianpei's personal merits, like courage and optimism, that enabled him to fight with the cancer much longer than the doctors initially expected. After Tianpei left the earth, my wife called me and told me that Tianpei is a brave man. Not any person can fight with cancer like he did.

Here, I pay my highest respect to Tianpei for his sense of responsibility for his loved ones, his courage and his optimism!

Why Tianpei could leave the earth peacefully

After Tianpei left the earth, my wife called me and told me that Tianpei was finally free of liver cancer. The disease couldn't hurt him any more. My wife also said that Tianpei left peacefully.

When my wife and I talked about why Tianpei could leave peacefully, we believed that it was his Christian belief that empowered him to be able to do that.

Tianpei was a dedicated Christian. He fully believed in God. He surrendered himself fully to God. Even though Tianpei couldn't understand God's plan for him, like why he should have the liver cancer, he knew that God has different plans for different people. Tianpei knew that our earthly body is temporary, and will perish sooner or later. He knew that God will give eternal life and glory to the people who believe in Him and obey Him. Even though Tianpei still had concern about his loved ones, he also knew that God will take care of his loved ones after he left the earth.

With all his belief in God, Tianpei could leave the earth peacefully, just like he ended a temporary trip and began the glory eternity.

May God bless Tianpei and his loved ones! May God bless all the people who are suffering on the earth and who believe in Him!

Best regards,
Jianwei